Friendship Breakups Hurt Too: Grief, Closure, and Moving On

Friendship Breakups Hurt Too: Grief, Closure, and Moving On

Friendship is an essential part of good mental health. When we spend time with friends, our brain releases a natural chemical called ‘endorphins’ which brings us joy and reduces stress. Beyond happiness, it gives us a sense of belonging and emotional support.  

Despite how valuable these bonds are, friendships can also change or come to an end. And when that happens, the loss can be felt deeply. It may leave behind emotions and feelings that are hard to describe. The blog will explore why friendship breakups hurt, how they affect us and how we can find our way through them.   

Why friendship breakup hurt

We all share a unique bond with our friends, and losing them can feel like losing a part of yourself. They are the ones with whom we share our memories and stories, so the absence of that friend leaves a gap of grief behind. 

Psychologists describe this type of loss as ambiguous grief. It is the grief of losing someone who is still alive but not present in your life the way they used to be. This is a confusing phase because you know they are around, but the bond you once had has faded. 

Friendships take time to build. Psychological research indicates that it can be measured with hours of interaction. It takes more than 200 hours to move from acquaintance to casual friend and then to establish a strong, close bond. So when such a bond is lost, the weight of those shared hours and moments can make grief felt more deeply. 

What happens inside us

A friendship breakup triggers the part of the brain associated with emotions of grief and loneliness, which affects the brain’s social and emotional well-being, leading to feelings of rejection and low self-esteem. 

During this, the brain sends out signals that change the chemistry of our bodies. When the mood chemical ‘serotonin’ and reward chemical ‘dopamine’ drop, it makes us feel low and less interested in things we used to enjoy. And at the same time, the stress hormones rise, increasing anxiety and restlessness. This is why, after a friendship breakup, we tend to find ourselves tired, disinterested, and swinging between states of sadness and confusion. 

Everyone feels grief differently. Here are some common signs that many may experience:

• Strong urge to isolate from others

• Pondering thoughts about what went wrong

• Feeling of emptiness 

• Finding it difficult to connect and trust others

• Lack motivation

• Struggling to explain what you’re going through

How it impacts and finding your way through

When the friendship ends, the absence of that person, who once played a very important role in your life, starts affecting your daily routine. Old memories come back often, bringing with them emotions of sadness. This change not only affects how we see ourselves but also how we connect and build trust with others. 

Grief is a natural emotion to experience, and each of us experiences it in our own way. According to the Kubler-Ross Model, there are 5 stages of grief. Understanding these stages can help us identify the emotions we feel and how they can guide us towards acceptance and healing. 

• Denial

We tend not to accept reality in the first instance and may avoid talking about it as a way to protect ourselves from the shock. This gives us time to absorb the truth and understand the situation.

• Anger

When we process the emotions we had held back, anger becomes the outlet of how we decide to take it out. Emotions at that time are strong, and experiencing a short temper is a natural response. 

• Bargaining

After being exposed to a lot of emotions during the initial response to grief. Our mind begins thinking more rationally about the feelings we have been pushing away. We may feel vulnerable and helpless at that moment. And in the attempt to regain a sense of control, we start making negotiations and agreements internally with ourselves or someone in a higher power. 

• Depression

Feeling depressed is a very natural reaction to any grief. We may choose to stay silent and isolate ourselves to cope. When sadness feels heavy and it becomes difficult to move forward, support from a therapist can provide guidance to cope with this phase. 

• Acceptance

Accepting the loss does not mean that the grief has gone. It means we have come to terms with reality and recognised the role it has had in our life. We don't deny the grief but view it with a more positive outlook and hope for good days ahead. 

These stages are not in a set linear pattern because not everyone experiences them in the same way and order. 

Some friendships end quietly, and some may not, but in both situations, healing will come slowly. You will learn to carry those memories with you without letting them hold you back from moving forward. 

The heart will heal

Healing takes time, especially when the impact is deep. A friendship may end, but the memories will always remain a part of you. Life has a way of filling empty spaces, sometimes with new people and other times with joyful experiences. Moments of laughter, connection, and calm still wait ahead. Friendships may change, but the heart always makes room for new bonds and beginnings.